Day 1 without Dan

It's been like any other day, time to finalise my things in Penang and move back to my hometown for good.

Let me try to recall back some good'ol memories residing in Penang. It's been 5 years, and it seemed like time passes by in a blink of an eye. I remember the first time when I step my foot into this small, 'compact' (I always like to use this word on this island) Penang, the last thing I thought of was ever stepping back out again. Never did I realised that this world is so much bigger than I once thought.

The first thing in my mind was to go to a church. I was with Wesley Methodist Church, and there I got my first bunch of friends in Joshua House. Jared, he's the man for the youth group. And we've done lotsa crazy and fun things together. I remembered we went hiking at err...don't even remember the name of the place =P and went for lotsa outings together, that was real fun. =)

School days was boring, I should say, but that was when I entered my first singing competition in college, after the last time at the age of 9. Gee..that was exciting, and nervous. Never could I've expected I could get a 3rd place. Then, that was surprising, haha.

It was then and in Penang, that I found my passion in singing. It's not that it's not there, it's just have been hidden during the days in primary and secondary school. I was too shy and timid, and I was once a person with low self-esteem. And so, I found Daniel Chan and we teamed for our 1st singing job in Faces.

I remember people telling me that I'm not gonna go anywhere, singing like that. Oh well, I thought it was too, but I proved them all wrong. I achieved way beyond what they saw. It was through singing, that I met my 1st love. Gee, he was gorgeous to me at that time. He sings, he plays the guitar, he has the looks; great potential to be a 'someone'. Well, of course, we didn't end up living happily ever after, but he did went on to achieve his dreams of becoming a model, and I'm happy for him. And those days after breaking up were the toughest time of my life. I fell into depression for some time. Although I ate, my weight dropped drastically.

Believe it or not, it was 1 year before I fully taken him off my heart. till I met this very special person. From the 1st time I met him, I thought he was God sent. I remember how we met, and how he reacted the first time I met him in church. He went to the place where I sang, and he gave me alot of support then. I remember the first time we officially meet up after he came back from Singapore, a few days before my exams. I remember the first song we had for each other. I remember how we missed each other so much during his company trip to US. I remembered the good days when we had so much fun in Hong Kong. And I thought he's the one for me, till now..

I have myself to blame. I wanted so much to pursue my passion, at least for that small period of time, and then to move on. I remembered at the age of 14, I already dreamt to perform on stage, viewed by the nation. That time, everybody thought it's impossible. Even I had my own doubts. I strived for it, but I didn't do very well in the first competition. That was so shameful, so depressing, given the fact that it was on national TV. That was when I thought to myself, I need to redeem myself from the mistakes I did. Never did I know this was the biggest mistakes in life. I was slowly losing a very precious person for my decision.

Like I always said. it's not easy to be successful in life. There're challenges, both great and small, and sacrifices to be made. I achieved what I wanted to have; to break my personal record. And I know it's the time to move on. To be serious in life, and look to my priority; to get real with God and have a good family in the future. But it was too late. I've lost the battle.

So long for all the good times. I should learn to forget them. Time to have a new life now. Be strong girl, be strong. God taught you a good lesson. You can't blame Him for this. He knows what is best for you.

Goodbye Penang, goodbye memories, goodbye good times...