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How Was 2009 for me?

Gee, I've just celebrated my 24th birthday last month, n it's January '10 already??
Well, technically, i'm still a year younger, n happier, la la la la =)

Ok, let's take a look back to what happened to me in 2009...........

I started the year with a great desire to forget about the painful past, but..hmm, it took me about half a year before I finally did it! Notice how long I've not been updating my blog? That's when all the sh*t ended. Wonder how I did it? Well, I guess it was just timing.

And so, I started living life as it is. Not really very righteous, but I kinda indulge myself into the enjoyment of the world. The kind where flying people love to do; drinking. I must say I'd led myself partly into the temptations, and I enjoyed it. At least it was to "celebrate" my release from the chain of brokenness and pain from the past, temporarily.

All I had was just ONE passion in mind; music. I got affiliated with the Performing Arts Circle, n we had a couple of unforgettable performances together for the company, not to mention the after-parties after each show. I'd just loved it. Those were the things that I really enjoyed most of the time when I'm not back home to my family. You can't fault me for it. I was lonely. Very lonely. I had a taste of the sweet grapes from the poison vineyard. I never thought it would taste soo sweet after the bitterness.

I was dissapointed with everything. Dissapointed with the way God was neglecting me. I went to church with a heart as cold as ice. I didn't feel Him at all. Instead of His word, I turned myself to the TV, music and everything else to look for happiness, n to cope up with loneliness. I did not believe He or His people could get me out of this. I was very ignorant. Well I still hung out with them, for some reasons. But many at times, i ignored them with all the wrong attitude. I was just too plain lazy to entertain them, and rather find my own source of happiness.

As you would've read so far, these could basically sum up about what i've gone through throughout the year before.

As I was living my own life, I see so the people around me moved on, progressed and living life the way God intended them to. They served faithfully; they were obedient servants n children of God, and indeed God loves n honours His faithful servant. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all things shall be Added unto you". It took me quite a while to finally understood what it means.

I've been idolising my passion. I've been idolising my life. Everything was just about me. I find it so hard to do what is right; to understand, concern about others and to love them. I find it so hard to sacrifice my time for God. Not even to come early to church. Sometimes I didn't even wanna make my way to CG or AF, anything to do with God. But He never gave up on me. He kept sending His children to come to me, to keep me close to Him, so that I could still be in control and not to fall off to the other side of the fence n hurt myself. Oh how patient He was with me...I'm guilty of all the wrong things I've done to hurt Him.

So this is it. That was 2009. That was the past. Good or not, is does not exist anymore. It is over. It is now a new year, and I decided that everything should start anew again. Thank God for new years..

Well, i guess it's just timing again. This time it's God's timing. Suddenly, I made a new year resolution out of nowhere, and for the first time, I stated them down n made it very visible on my desk on top of the new monitor speaker. I prayed for a willingness of heart to follow n serve Him faithfully n obediently, starting from this new year. Whether or not I will be blessed, I know this is the right thing to do. I know what it means to put God first now. I do not idolize n take pride anymore in my passion and what I'm good at. I will serve willingly in whatever n wherever He puts me in. No matter how challenging times could be towards the end of this year, n years to come, I can overcome them, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Amen =)

~God Be My Witness~