Sometimes I look back n wonder how blinded I was n how much sh*t I've gone thru to finally understand, realise n wake up..hah, that's something to laugh at.
Thinking back, it ain't too bad afterall..at least I had a chance to grow up n be more mature from being a girl to a lady. Like the saying goes, "what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger".
Enough of those lies I made myself to believe in. It's time to leave them all in the past n move on. They told me a person has to experience the worst to be healed from it. I finally agreed on that after much unecessary struggle. It's part n parcel of life. God wouldn't give you a challenge that you couldn't overcome. It's just a matter of time. Afterall, God should be the first in our lives. "Seek ye First the Kingdom of God, and all things shall be Added unto you". Yup, am slowly but surely learning on that. Afterall, He's the one who first Loved us.
Turn the page, but don't close the book. It would only mean that you've given up hope in life.
The only thing that I totally believe all the time, is a God that loves me more than anyone else in this world, a God that loves me so much to count the number of strands of hair on my head, n He only wants the best for me.
God is Good =)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Truth Hurts, but does that Means that You're Not Gonna Face It?
The truth is always there. It is always right at your face, but you just chose to brush aside, unwilling to face the fact. You just choose to lie to yourself, still clinging on to that slightest hope, the faintest light which you can barely see.
It's all gonna be good. Things will be recovered like it was before. But then when things didn't go my way, I get very depressed and dissapointed. At the end, I realised, that it was just me wanting n forcing things to be the way I wanted. I was being very self-centred.
Now that I realised the truth, it is quite pointless for me to keep holding on to that self induced hope. The truth hurts. That's all I can feel for now. But does that mean that I don't have to face it? Best is it cuts through me deeper than ever before. Best that it hurts so much until it will one day makes me feel that it's not worth to be drowned in that stupidity. It's not like it could change anything, but to only kill me inside out.
And the only person who feels the pain? Me.
The truth is, it's not happening anymore. It's not gonna happen again. Just stop being engulfed by the self induced fake hope anymore.
Afterall, everyone is just being human. Not that a person is not as good as the other. We're all just different from each other, beyond comparison. It is just each and everyone's preference to what or who in their strife for happiness..
I hope I can get out of this soon. I hope one day I would wake up n tell myself that it is all meaningless and remind myself of my stupidity and never to let it repeat it again.
I hope I could one day look back, and smile on the past telling myself this; Lesson learned, and I've moved on, being a happier person than ever before, and thank God for His unfailing Love.
It's all gonna be good. Things will be recovered like it was before. But then when things didn't go my way, I get very depressed and dissapointed. At the end, I realised, that it was just me wanting n forcing things to be the way I wanted. I was being very self-centred.
Now that I realised the truth, it is quite pointless for me to keep holding on to that self induced hope. The truth hurts. That's all I can feel for now. But does that mean that I don't have to face it? Best is it cuts through me deeper than ever before. Best that it hurts so much until it will one day makes me feel that it's not worth to be drowned in that stupidity. It's not like it could change anything, but to only kill me inside out.
And the only person who feels the pain? Me.
The truth is, it's not happening anymore. It's not gonna happen again. Just stop being engulfed by the self induced fake hope anymore.
Afterall, everyone is just being human. Not that a person is not as good as the other. We're all just different from each other, beyond comparison. It is just each and everyone's preference to what or who in their strife for happiness..
I hope I can get out of this soon. I hope one day I would wake up n tell myself that it is all meaningless and remind myself of my stupidity and never to let it repeat it again.
I hope I could one day look back, and smile on the past telling myself this; Lesson learned, and I've moved on, being a happier person than ever before, and thank God for His unfailing Love.
Imperfection
Have we ever wondered?
We often put the blame on someone, somebody or something when bad things happen to our lives. We give ourselves excuses when things doesn't go our way. We try to make the world sound imperfect n the people that's involved to be.
"It all happens and it's all their fault. What wrong have I done? What did I do to deserve all of this?"
Sounds familiar? Yeah, it happens to me too. Many times. Uncountable times. But have we ever sat back and pondered about the mistakes n the imperfection in ourselves that allows all of this to happen?
Man I feel so small when I was told off about my weaknesses. All this while I thought whatever I did was right, coz no one would tell me. Of coz, they were afraid of offending me. Likewise, I wouldn't wanna risk ruining a friendship by telling off somethings I thought they would not wish to hear. But sometimes, some good soul around would just reveal them to you, and it's like a good smack on your face that serves as a WAKE UP CALL.
It tells you that you have a part to play in the mess that occured. It's not all just got to do with the other party. Yes, they may be screwed up, but you're not perfect either. Giving yourself excuses shows that you're avoiding the fact and a perfect chance to grow n improve from it.
Of course, no one can be scarless. But at least, try to change from those bad habits or attitudes that could improve your self-being n your relationship towards the people around you. Don't be in denial. Sometimes, when people around you started to react very differently towards you, try to sit back, think n make a change for the best of yourself n the others.
God didn't make us perfect, so that we could complement each other; whether in a family, with your other half or the friends around you. Sit back, think n ask God for forgiveness. Ask Him to change you as you surrender your soul to Him. He will never let us down.
God's love never fails.
We often put the blame on someone, somebody or something when bad things happen to our lives. We give ourselves excuses when things doesn't go our way. We try to make the world sound imperfect n the people that's involved to be.
"It all happens and it's all their fault. What wrong have I done? What did I do to deserve all of this?"
Sounds familiar? Yeah, it happens to me too. Many times. Uncountable times. But have we ever sat back and pondered about the mistakes n the imperfection in ourselves that allows all of this to happen?
Man I feel so small when I was told off about my weaknesses. All this while I thought whatever I did was right, coz no one would tell me. Of coz, they were afraid of offending me. Likewise, I wouldn't wanna risk ruining a friendship by telling off somethings I thought they would not wish to hear. But sometimes, some good soul around would just reveal them to you, and it's like a good smack on your face that serves as a WAKE UP CALL.
It tells you that you have a part to play in the mess that occured. It's not all just got to do with the other party. Yes, they may be screwed up, but you're not perfect either. Giving yourself excuses shows that you're avoiding the fact and a perfect chance to grow n improve from it.
Of course, no one can be scarless. But at least, try to change from those bad habits or attitudes that could improve your self-being n your relationship towards the people around you. Don't be in denial. Sometimes, when people around you started to react very differently towards you, try to sit back, think n make a change for the best of yourself n the others.
God didn't make us perfect, so that we could complement each other; whether in a family, with your other half or the friends around you. Sit back, think n ask God for forgiveness. Ask Him to change you as you surrender your soul to Him. He will never let us down.
God's love never fails.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I Remember
I remember the 1st day where you brought me to Sigi's..You knew my favourite song, n you have it on in your car when you arrived at my place; "Home". You gave me a bouquet of flowers n you brought us to dinner. It was the sweetest day of my life.
I thanked the Lord so much for taking away the broken past and let the best thing that could've ever happened to me. It was the best time of my life. I graduated not too long ago before this happened. 2 weeks later, you encouraged me to go and try out on a job interview in Dell. It all went well, and I worked there for a year. Honestly, I wasn't happy about the job because it paid peanuts. 9-5 is definitely not my thing.
But over the year, I knew you were very pleased of what I was doing; leading a normal life, doing the normal thing everyone does. Our time didn't clash; just in time to meet each other for dinner n spend some time together. But then, you knew I was performing all these while. You asked me to cut down on the nights, so we can have more time for each other.
It was hard for me, coz I was partially depending on it for a living. Yet I tried my best to make days available for us by reducing down on the days. I knew it was a sacrifice I had to make. I neglected my responsibility and was stuck in between. I dislike my job, and I'm not doing very well with the other.
Honestly, I was still very confused. As a young lady that just came out from school, I didn't know what to pursue. But I was sure I was filled with my passion, and that was the time to do it. You didn't like it. I struggled between life and passion. We had arguments, after arguments, after arguments.
Finally, you decided to shut yourself away from all the trouble and noise. You weren't happy. Oh, how hard I tried to mend those back, but it wasn't enough. There were sleepness nights and countless days of worries. You start not to take me into consideration on your decision making anymore. To you, I will not be one of your priority anymore. You didn't give us more time to reconcile. You couldn't wait anymore. Your heart just grew cold over the days to come.
I shouldn't have left you alone during your lowest times. You just got used to living without me. When I came back, it was different for you already. How my heart ached for the things that were happening. I tried every best way to mend it, but you told me it was too late. My tears would roll down everytime I thought of it. You just made a decision to work in a foreign place.
I vowed in front of you, never to go back to my passion, and take up an ordinary job for our sake. It is still not what you wanted. Your heart was broken, and it's not worth turning back anymore. You do not feel for me anymore. Not like the time when we used to cry and laugh together.
I couldn't blame you for any more or less. We both had a part to play, and I neglected mine. I always missed those times. I missed that person whom God's given to me but I didn't do my best to treasure him.
Dear Lord, strengthen my personal being, for I know you have plans for me. My heart aches everytime I think about it. My soul weakens everytime I knew that he's no more less than a friend that doesn't even bother of my existence anymore. How I wish You would mend it all back together, and give me a new beginning. Forgive me for my ignorance and stubborness. I am now just gonna be waiting upon You and follow You altogether. I've lost a person who had once made my life complete. I don't want that to happen again.
I thanked the Lord so much for taking away the broken past and let the best thing that could've ever happened to me. It was the best time of my life. I graduated not too long ago before this happened. 2 weeks later, you encouraged me to go and try out on a job interview in Dell. It all went well, and I worked there for a year. Honestly, I wasn't happy about the job because it paid peanuts. 9-5 is definitely not my thing.
But over the year, I knew you were very pleased of what I was doing; leading a normal life, doing the normal thing everyone does. Our time didn't clash; just in time to meet each other for dinner n spend some time together. But then, you knew I was performing all these while. You asked me to cut down on the nights, so we can have more time for each other.
It was hard for me, coz I was partially depending on it for a living. Yet I tried my best to make days available for us by reducing down on the days. I knew it was a sacrifice I had to make. I neglected my responsibility and was stuck in between. I dislike my job, and I'm not doing very well with the other.
Honestly, I was still very confused. As a young lady that just came out from school, I didn't know what to pursue. But I was sure I was filled with my passion, and that was the time to do it. You didn't like it. I struggled between life and passion. We had arguments, after arguments, after arguments.
Finally, you decided to shut yourself away from all the trouble and noise. You weren't happy. Oh, how hard I tried to mend those back, but it wasn't enough. There were sleepness nights and countless days of worries. You start not to take me into consideration on your decision making anymore. To you, I will not be one of your priority anymore. You didn't give us more time to reconcile. You couldn't wait anymore. Your heart just grew cold over the days to come.
I shouldn't have left you alone during your lowest times. You just got used to living without me. When I came back, it was different for you already. How my heart ached for the things that were happening. I tried every best way to mend it, but you told me it was too late. My tears would roll down everytime I thought of it. You just made a decision to work in a foreign place.
I vowed in front of you, never to go back to my passion, and take up an ordinary job for our sake. It is still not what you wanted. Your heart was broken, and it's not worth turning back anymore. You do not feel for me anymore. Not like the time when we used to cry and laugh together.
I couldn't blame you for any more or less. We both had a part to play, and I neglected mine. I always missed those times. I missed that person whom God's given to me but I didn't do my best to treasure him.
Dear Lord, strengthen my personal being, for I know you have plans for me. My heart aches everytime I think about it. My soul weakens everytime I knew that he's no more less than a friend that doesn't even bother of my existence anymore. How I wish You would mend it all back together, and give me a new beginning. Forgive me for my ignorance and stubborness. I am now just gonna be waiting upon You and follow You altogether. I've lost a person who had once made my life complete. I don't want that to happen again.
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