心太乱 pt2。。。

And so we met.

My heart was thumping all the while on my way to where we're suppose to meet; at the MRT station. I knew he could be there somewhere. I was more than excited to see him again after such a long time. I'd prepared myself for this already, or so I thought.

I wanted to look my best. I'd never wanted to be shabby in front of him, more so after we've broken up. It was suppose to be a time of catching up, and so we decided on a restaurant nearby.

I picked a table near the wall at a dimmer corner of the restaurant. Reason was because I really do not want anyone or anything interrupting our limited time of being together. To me, every minute and every second was precious and not to be wasted, even if we ended up in some time of silence in between conversations.

We started updating each other about our personal events, but the conversation slowly narrowed down to sensitive topics about relationships n post relationships connecting to the people around ourselves again. We had that in most of our phone conversations a few months ago. But this time, I handled it more calmly, way better than before. I would've dashed across the table with my harsh words making things worse and we would've called off the date earlier. I wouldn't want that to happen again. I wouldn't want those precious time to flow down the drain altogether.

At one point of time, my imperfect self felt more complete being with him. It felt like the missing piece was just right in front of me, and yet it doesn't belong to me. Unlike any other jigsaw puzzle, this is the only one where its pieces I couldn't control. I couldn't help but having thoughts like this coming into my mind. Who wouldn't?

I've nowhere to go. In the past, I tried to avoid reality. I pushed it all to the back of my head, lying to myself that it's all going to be fine soon. Not this time. I can't do that anymore. I've let myself dawn into the solemness that has been avoided, not realising that it is still sitting somewhere in my heart. I must face reality. And after all of that sadness, I must stand back up again. I need to be strong.

I still can't forget the past....when will I ever will...........

心太乱。。

He told me the other day we could meet up. I was indeed happy. We have not met for such a long time. We chat online, for only once in a while. But I figured he'd already put it at the back of his head.

"Are we still friends?" He asked me the other day. I can only answer a "yes". It seemed I was left with no other answers to come up with. I looked forward to meet him up before I leave for work for 5 days. But it seemed the meet up was nothing important to him and he will only make it to his convenience.

Again, I thought I was ok. But obviously, I'm not. The painful 5 days went by. I dreamt about us again. A year had gone by to be exact, but it is just as if it happened yesterday. I started to make assumptions. I do not know how to react if one day I find him with someone else. I thought I could take it easily. I was wrong.

I really want to know. It does me no help, it might kill me inside out, and there's nothing I could do, but I just want to know..

Because I Love You- Drop n Harmony

This is a beautiful song I came across when I was 'hunting' for songs online;

There was a time when I used to run away.
Anytime I started to fallCause love's never been verykind to me,
no babyNot very kind at all
Until you
You stole my heart away
Somehow you helped restore my faith
And something I thought wasn't for me
Now comes so easily

Because I love you
You're the flame that sets my soul on fire
That special girl I pray for every night
That pretty melody
That plays over and over again in my head
Because I love you(Forever stare at you and never get tired)
Honey I'm ready to spend mywhole life with you
Cause I love you(Yes I do)

I never thought in a million years
That I could feel the way that I feel, no
How I get butterflies (get butterflies)
Whenever your lips touch mineI must confess my dear
That it was instantly right from the start
A special bond between you and my heart
How it skips a beat whenever our eyes meet
And simply said the reason being

Because I love you
You're the flame that sets my soul on fire
That special girl I pray for every night
That pretty melody
That plays over and over again in my head
Cause I love you(Forever stare at you and never get tired)
Honey I'm ready to spend mywhole life with you(I'll say it again)
I love you (yes I do)

Girl I know there'll bedifferences we have along the way
Where our views may not always be the same
But I swear I'll try
To hear out your sigh
And compromise cuz I realize
That with you I wanna spend my life

Because I love you
You're the flame that sets my soul on fire
That special girl I pray for every night
That pretty melody
That plays over and over again in my head
Because I love you(Forever stare at you and never get tired)
Honey I'm ready to spend my whole life with you

Girl it's all because
I love you