The dilemma goes on and on. It seems to be a never ending situation. I always asked myself, how come I can do it, but not him? Well, come to the point where I realised things can be just very unfair. No whys, no buts, it's just unfair. I cannot force happiness, if that happiness is just not there.
It comes to a point where the physical part doesn't matters, and it's just the way we choose our lives to be. The conclusion is, if only I choose to be what he wants me to be, everything would be assured. He can tell a whole bunch of things, but the message he gets through is only this; do it his way. He can't accept other than that, but he also can't confirmed that things will be good if I change and go his ways..He does not have to endure pain, if he just choose to accept. I did that, why can't he? Or am I just being selfish?
Well, since he's filled with uncertainty, let me be like him then. It was me who's being stupid; thinking that everything would be well. Since he is not passionate anymore, I do not want to do the tango on my own. But I know it's hard for me to do that- easier said than done. Sigh.
Yes, we're different. Very different. And it's just hard to be different. No wonder people choose to be ordinary. I'm not aimless. I'm not being childish. I know what I'm doing. I am adament on doing the things I do. If you can't accept, just don't, and move on. I don't want to waste my time.
I don't want to be indecisive anymore. It can really kill. I will regret. But I've made the decision. So I have to move on with it. Dear Lord, take over it. I don't want to hold it anymore. Please take the steering wheel from me...
No point missing anymore. Just take everyday as it is. Learn from him. He did it. Better hold on to it, before it gets too deep, and hurt myself even more. I shouldn't take things too seriously. He doesn't have to release himself to me if he feels unsure. He doesn't need to and so be it.
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