心太乱 pt2。。。

And so we met.

My heart was thumping all the while on my way to where we're suppose to meet; at the MRT station. I knew he could be there somewhere. I was more than excited to see him again after such a long time. I'd prepared myself for this already, or so I thought.

I wanted to look my best. I'd never wanted to be shabby in front of him, more so after we've broken up. It was suppose to be a time of catching up, and so we decided on a restaurant nearby.

I picked a table near the wall at a dimmer corner of the restaurant. Reason was because I really do not want anyone or anything interrupting our limited time of being together. To me, every minute and every second was precious and not to be wasted, even if we ended up in some time of silence in between conversations.

We started updating each other about our personal events, but the conversation slowly narrowed down to sensitive topics about relationships n post relationships connecting to the people around ourselves again. We had that in most of our phone conversations a few months ago. But this time, I handled it more calmly, way better than before. I would've dashed across the table with my harsh words making things worse and we would've called off the date earlier. I wouldn't want that to happen again. I wouldn't want those precious time to flow down the drain altogether.

At one point of time, my imperfect self felt more complete being with him. It felt like the missing piece was just right in front of me, and yet it doesn't belong to me. Unlike any other jigsaw puzzle, this is the only one where its pieces I couldn't control. I couldn't help but having thoughts like this coming into my mind. Who wouldn't?

I've nowhere to go. In the past, I tried to avoid reality. I pushed it all to the back of my head, lying to myself that it's all going to be fine soon. Not this time. I can't do that anymore. I've let myself dawn into the solemness that has been avoided, not realising that it is still sitting somewhere in my heart. I must face reality. And after all of that sadness, I must stand back up again. I need to be strong.

I still can't forget the past....when will I ever will...........

心太乱。。

He told me the other day we could meet up. I was indeed happy. We have not met for such a long time. We chat online, for only once in a while. But I figured he'd already put it at the back of his head.

"Are we still friends?" He asked me the other day. I can only answer a "yes". It seemed I was left with no other answers to come up with. I looked forward to meet him up before I leave for work for 5 days. But it seemed the meet up was nothing important to him and he will only make it to his convenience.

Again, I thought I was ok. But obviously, I'm not. The painful 5 days went by. I dreamt about us again. A year had gone by to be exact, but it is just as if it happened yesterday. I started to make assumptions. I do not know how to react if one day I find him with someone else. I thought I could take it easily. I was wrong.

I really want to know. It does me no help, it might kill me inside out, and there's nothing I could do, but I just want to know..

Because I Love You- Drop n Harmony

This is a beautiful song I came across when I was 'hunting' for songs online;

There was a time when I used to run away.
Anytime I started to fallCause love's never been verykind to me,
no babyNot very kind at all
Until you
You stole my heart away
Somehow you helped restore my faith
And something I thought wasn't for me
Now comes so easily

Because I love you
You're the flame that sets my soul on fire
That special girl I pray for every night
That pretty melody
That plays over and over again in my head
Because I love you(Forever stare at you and never get tired)
Honey I'm ready to spend mywhole life with you
Cause I love you(Yes I do)

I never thought in a million years
That I could feel the way that I feel, no
How I get butterflies (get butterflies)
Whenever your lips touch mineI must confess my dear
That it was instantly right from the start
A special bond between you and my heart
How it skips a beat whenever our eyes meet
And simply said the reason being

Because I love you
You're the flame that sets my soul on fire
That special girl I pray for every night
That pretty melody
That plays over and over again in my head
Cause I love you(Forever stare at you and never get tired)
Honey I'm ready to spend mywhole life with you(I'll say it again)
I love you (yes I do)

Girl I know there'll bedifferences we have along the way
Where our views may not always be the same
But I swear I'll try
To hear out your sigh
And compromise cuz I realize
That with you I wanna spend my life

Because I love you
You're the flame that sets my soul on fire
That special girl I pray for every night
That pretty melody
That plays over and over again in my head
Because I love you(Forever stare at you and never get tired)
Honey I'm ready to spend my whole life with you

Girl it's all because
I love you

I Like to Thank Ya'll

It's 2009, and I've got a whole bunch of people to thank for '08!

I like to thank.....

My Lord n Saviour Jesus Christ for loving me so much everytime and everywhere. He saw me through my ups n downs and never left me but showering me with blessings throughout. Thank you, my Dearest Father in Heaven =) .

Mom n Dad for supporting me through all my decisions and choices in life. Thank you for being always there for me no matter what happens. I'll try my best to give you a good life in time to come. ~With much Love~

My bros- Terry, Bronson. Thank you for always being there for me in KL, when I needed someone to pick me up from the airport, the bus station n during my audition days when u guys had to pick me up n keep me company no matter how inconvenient it was. Thank you for your support throughout the whole OIAM competition.

My youngest bro- Charleston for still remembering to talk to me when I come home, haha. You oughta do better in your studies man. It's not a time to fool around!

Grandma and Shann Yee, for always caring for me and providing me with everything useful that you could think of. You guys are the loveliest people after my parents! Grandma, I promise I'll go travelling with you this year! Shann Yee, I got what you wanted ;)

Mag Yee for letting me stay with you for 4 loonng years in Penang. I know I didn't live up to your expectations, but I tried my best. Thank you for providing me with my daily needs. At least I had a home.

My best friends, Camilia and Liang in Penang. I had the best time in Penang with you guys. To Camilia- we shared the same passion, have the same thinking, love the same food, ever forgiving to each other, treat your home like mine and mine like yours (haha). Liang for always listening, consoling and keep me company throughout my lowest n toughest times. Simon for being my best partner in crime, for all the songs we've done n the passion we had together. You're the MAN!

To Aunty Lucy and Sand, for bringing me into the Sand family and be as one for God, and to share our music to people. I can never forget the trips n experiences we had together. Eddie n Jasmine for being the best boss and gave me so many chances to showcase my talent n perform for them. I can't deny that I've improved so much in singing from all of you.

To all the friends that came n go. You left me with appreciation towards all your good deeds and the thought for me.

To all the bittersweet memories of '08. Goodbye to ya'll. It's time for a new year and a new beginning. God be my witness~

May God Bless you all in the years to come. Love you guys heaps!

And Dr. Lee said...

The "Klebsiella" bacteria family's been making themselves at home in my right nostril for at least a year!

They've been making themselves at home with lots and lots of babies there already. Thank God I met Dr. Lee, and he said it's time for them to move. I can't believe I generously let them accompany me for such a long time. Goodbye guys, I won't miss you at all! Don't come back!

Doc gave me a month's prescription of antibiotics and cold/allergy tablets and what not..I now have to carry lotsa tablets wherever I go- I feel so sick now...

Where's mom n dad...I miss home, my relatives, my friends and my life back home... =(

Looking back through 2008

It's now the 3rd day of year 2009.

Much has been done. Much has been experienced. The good and the bads happened all in the 365 days of 2008.

OIAM 2 ended in February. That marked the end of my involvement in one of the country's most acclaimed talent competition and the local music industry, and the beginning of a whole new life in a whole new place- Singapore.
February also marked the end of a complicated but a "highly-invested-in-feelings" relationship, and a beginning of singlehood once again. Freedom? haha.

April was the month I decided to have a turning point in my life. Since there's nothing I could change, I decided to change the way I lead my life- I joined the SQ.

June was the month when I officially took the first step into Singapore and when my training had started. Not an easy life to lead for the couple of initial months, but it was very obvious to me, that God's presence was strongly with me.

September was the month I graduated from training school and welcome to the real world. The training grounds was a pacifier. I had to face the harshness of work all by myself. My 1st solo was a disaster. My subsequent flights were an eye opener.

I was finally seeing the world with my own eyes, and feeling it with my own hands- from Asia to America and to Europe. God promised me He never left me. He surely had not at all. His countless blessings has been with me throughout the year. His provisions were and are still numberless.

December was the month I celebrated the most meaningful birthday. The 2 of my closest friends make it all the way from Penang to keep me company. Thank you Camilia and Liang. You guys are the best friends I've ever had. I thank God for you.

And towards the new year? This is how I celebrated in Zurich, Switzerland;

It's either the Swiss Alps or I was dreaming....

Flumxerberg ski resort.


Ooh ooh..how dya like my skis?


My first encounter with Uncle Snow. Feels like Ice Kacang, yummy~

"Hey wait for me, let me just pull off this snow-post '08 for the last time k?"



The reps of Batch 980 at Flumxerberg~ Met my batch boy Ed in Zurich, can't believe it!

Ski-bashing!


In the open snowy land.


The skiing gang in Zurich on the last day of '08. You guys were awesome! Meaningful companionship. ~HuGs~


Darn it was cold, especially in front of that icy thing!


In the snow garden- an undescribable chilling experience!

Thank You Lord for all the blessings. May Your name be glorified in my life. Amen.

There's no place like Paris..

I've always pictured Paris in my mind as one of the most romantic places everyone wants to go to..and finally I had a taste of it. Indeed, it is soo much better than what I imagined.

I've only heard about Notredame from the movie The Hunchback of Notredame. Pardon me for my shallowness because I'm not into ancient churches and architecture, but at least I had the chance to see the real thing and feel the atmosphere of being in a historic place like this. I was indeed in awe. You should be there yourself..

Inside Musee du Louvre;

You can see tons of paintings by the centurions and skillful carvings on the ceilings and the walls of the musuem. You might get lost if you don't follow the directions.

The famous Mona Lisa portrait. The other day I saw a magnified one on the wall of a stall somewhere at Bugis. I didn't know it was thisss much difference in size.

Me and my pet lion- he ended up in Musee du Louvre for being too ancient and mummified.

The aura and ambience of the city is terrific..Paris has the best night sceneries you can ever imagine!

The beautiful gardern decos at Champs-Élysées..it feels so like Christmas~ =)

Ohmigosh...I met this lil' fella at the subway! I felt like tapao-ing him home already..too bad mama's just around, I only managed to tapao his picture..better than nothing =)

Thanks Joei for the pics! Thank you for being my companion in Paris and a heartful birthday treat, I appreciate that a lot, God Bless you always =)

~Australia- Brisbane~

Lone Pine, Brisbane- Home to the drunken koalas!



n to a bunch of sheep that are always forced to run around the field just to entertain heartless human like us...

this is the sheepdog that does all the hard work to impress us..

They may look harmless, but you wouldn't wanna come close to a dingo like this..

I didn't know we can get soo up, close n personal to this extend!

And there you have it, Lone Pine, Brisbane, Australia =)

It ain't easy..

It ain't easy to be alone sometimes...

Am being literally "alone" in a foreign place for 5 months already now, and it still feels like a foreign place to me. There's nowhere else like home, seriously.

I felt distant at times in a foreign station, being all alone again literally. I wish mom n dad was here with me..I wish I can be there with my family, at least I felt belonged. I remember how much I craved to get out of house so much when I was still in secondary school. I wanted so much to leave my family to have my own independence and my own life.

I hated home. I didn't like my brothers. I didn't like mom's irresponsible attitude. I hated that dad had to do everything, sacrifice his time, life and sweat n blood to his family that doesn't appreciate it at all.

It ain't the same anymore..I learned to appreciate them more and more as we live away from each other..afterall, we're still a family. How I wished we all have our good career and be a blessing to our family. In the end, we'll all meet one day and joke about the past altogher..God be out witness~

I wished I could do something. I wanted to pursue a degree in business because I wanted to help dad sharing the responsibilities of the family. I left home to study in Penang. I didn't get very good grades because I had to share my time on studies and work altogether. I didn't want to take any money from dad. Never did I know I'm not ready to endure the hardship of the business world. I never understood how naive I still could be despite the experience I've got.

Does it pay to be generous? Does it pay to be soft-hearted? Does it pay to do good and be good?
Sometimes I wonder why life is so tough at times, especially where situations can cause depression. I hate it. I know somehow I'm lacking something inside. The puzzle pieces are still missing. I wish I could find that missing pieces to have a happier life soon..

Interesting n Different; a Breakthrough

I've always have this thought about life- to make it more interesting or just to follow what everyone does...what makes more sense actually..

I desire to be someone Different.

Someone who stands out from the others. Someone who makes a difference to the people around me. I want to paint my life with all the different interesting colours and make it more vibrant~

OK...that's enough for my self-centredness..it's not a very good example to portray, but it's just part of the Interesting-ness in life. It's just not only about ourselves.

I'm not saying it is wrong to be thinking for yourselves, but it is more balanced if you can include other lives into yours as well.

To bless than only to be blessed. To give to others what God has given to you. To spread happiness to people after God made you happy. Isn't that more gracious? And it doesn't mean we still cannot make our lives interesting.

In actual fact, each and every single person on earth has a certain level of selfishness - don't tell me you don't love yourself that you wouldn't pamper yourself to a good meal and watch a great movie over the weekends.

Learn to enjoy while you have the time~

Do random acts of kindness to share and give to your friends and family around; you wouldn't loose anything accept to store more treasures for yourself in heaven.

Oh, and do remember to think for them. Try to put yourself in their shoes, and see whether the way we act or treat them is what we like to be treated ourselves.

I like my job and passion. I also desire to bless others as God's blessed me so abundantly. I love and appreciate my family and friends more and more each day. I'm desiring for a Breakthrough.