It ain't easy..

It ain't easy to be alone sometimes...

Am being literally "alone" in a foreign place for 5 months already now, and it still feels like a foreign place to me. There's nowhere else like home, seriously.

I felt distant at times in a foreign station, being all alone again literally. I wish mom n dad was here with me..I wish I can be there with my family, at least I felt belonged. I remember how much I craved to get out of house so much when I was still in secondary school. I wanted so much to leave my family to have my own independence and my own life.

I hated home. I didn't like my brothers. I didn't like mom's irresponsible attitude. I hated that dad had to do everything, sacrifice his time, life and sweat n blood to his family that doesn't appreciate it at all.

It ain't the same anymore..I learned to appreciate them more and more as we live away from each other..afterall, we're still a family. How I wished we all have our good career and be a blessing to our family. In the end, we'll all meet one day and joke about the past altogher..God be out witness~

I wished I could do something. I wanted to pursue a degree in business because I wanted to help dad sharing the responsibilities of the family. I left home to study in Penang. I didn't get very good grades because I had to share my time on studies and work altogether. I didn't want to take any money from dad. Never did I know I'm not ready to endure the hardship of the business world. I never understood how naive I still could be despite the experience I've got.

Does it pay to be generous? Does it pay to be soft-hearted? Does it pay to do good and be good?
Sometimes I wonder why life is so tough at times, especially where situations can cause depression. I hate it. I know somehow I'm lacking something inside. The puzzle pieces are still missing. I wish I could find that missing pieces to have a happier life soon..