心太乱 pt2。。。

And so we met.

My heart was thumping all the while on my way to where we're suppose to meet; at the MRT station. I knew he could be there somewhere. I was more than excited to see him again after such a long time. I'd prepared myself for this already, or so I thought.

I wanted to look my best. I'd never wanted to be shabby in front of him, more so after we've broken up. It was suppose to be a time of catching up, and so we decided on a restaurant nearby.

I picked a table near the wall at a dimmer corner of the restaurant. Reason was because I really do not want anyone or anything interrupting our limited time of being together. To me, every minute and every second was precious and not to be wasted, even if we ended up in some time of silence in between conversations.

We started updating each other about our personal events, but the conversation slowly narrowed down to sensitive topics about relationships n post relationships connecting to the people around ourselves again. We had that in most of our phone conversations a few months ago. But this time, I handled it more calmly, way better than before. I would've dashed across the table with my harsh words making things worse and we would've called off the date earlier. I wouldn't want that to happen again. I wouldn't want those precious time to flow down the drain altogether.

At one point of time, my imperfect self felt more complete being with him. It felt like the missing piece was just right in front of me, and yet it doesn't belong to me. Unlike any other jigsaw puzzle, this is the only one where its pieces I couldn't control. I couldn't help but having thoughts like this coming into my mind. Who wouldn't?

I've nowhere to go. In the past, I tried to avoid reality. I pushed it all to the back of my head, lying to myself that it's all going to be fine soon. Not this time. I can't do that anymore. I've let myself dawn into the solemness that has been avoided, not realising that it is still sitting somewhere in my heart. I must face reality. And after all of that sadness, I must stand back up again. I need to be strong.

I still can't forget the past....when will I ever will...........