只能留下回忆，想见又不想见......

I wish the English language could be written in a simpler, sophisticated yet sincere way to express the way I am feeling, the way the Chinese language was designed to express their meanings in one single character of each ideogram..

昨晚我们又相见。。我又再伤心了，我觉得很可息因为我失去了一个心中里面最真贵的东西， 一个我失去了又永远都不再会回来到我身边的人。

I thought it was over. Yes it is, but somehow the words still hurt me. It still hurts. I wish I could express it all in Chinese, coz somehow I felt it is most appropriately described in it.

I've changed my perception towards a relationship already. I will not dare to take any relationship into something serious anymore. Anything can crop up in the process. You'll never know that the next moment we might end up losing each other and all the future plans for being happy together, the love for a better life together might be shattered into pieces for all we know.

I'm in tears again. It's been a while since my last...it's just so hard to get by it sometimes.

Oh God, help.

Another Day Out...

We had a great time last Friday, this time with more of the 980s.

It was a so-called last gathering we're gonna have for our batch, coz we're soon graduating and everybody's going solo, so we decided to at least come for the last time. Desiree was always as usual, ditching everyone at the last minute, and Serene almost didn't make it because of her unfortunate "encounter" ; apparently she kicked on something on her way out and got her toe cracked, haha. Luckily Raj was generous enough to pay for her cab and she finally showed up. At least she is still mobile...

Anyways, our first stop was at Edward's place- the Edward Lee Apartments. We were, by all means, surprised, shocked, awed, stunned and impressed. Man, this is an intelligent guy. A very intelligent one. I mean the way he portrays himself out there, the way he communicates with people, he doesn't look at all like a rich man's kid. He look's like an independent kid who did all he could to have a better life for himself n his family. And he did it, at the age of 29. We're all proud to know him~

For some reasons, many of our batchmates started to question about the both of us. Whether I was interested in him, or the other way round. Hmm..i must admit to a certain extent there's some attraction, but somehow I wouldn't allow myself to go further than that. Maybe because I feel inferior and I just wouldn't know how to deal with guys like this. Too well off, is a good thing for that person, but not so good for his life long partner. Does he actually take all this seriously? Or he would rather have more options n choices outside there? I don't know. One thing I know, I wasn't attracted to his wealth initially, because at first sight, I find this guy's attitude quite to my preference n liking. I didn't know about his wealth or whatsoever. It wasn't about his looks, his outer appearance, but rather this humble n intelligent character protrayed by him.

I will not dare to take any initiative, or do anything obvious, coz this will definitely affect the friendship. Seeing him with his girlfriend makes me feel bad to even have that thought and feeling. I can't be intercepting them n steal away their happiness...Oh well, I can just look and watch from beside...

Of course I took the opportunity to come up, close n personal with this handsome "guy" too ;)

We were at his house till about 12 am while waiting for the others to come. Man this guys were late! We were of coz being entertained and served by this wealthy, humble man with alot of drinks n some snacks through the night..while he hardly had much for his dinner (Maggi Mee). Thanks for all the hospitality he had to us =) . Ok, I didn't know what kinda drinks he gave to the guys, but they really had a lil' too much to drink that night. Aren't they suppose to control themselves and not touch that Absinth??? I wonder what they were thinking....

One of the guys were totally out that night..He was totally a goner...It was 1st experience looking at a real drunkard. He was completely out of his mind n started talking nuts n crapping the whole time. Super paiseh... =S Some of us just had to pretend we didn't know this guy la.. =P.

It wasn't really our concern anyway coz the other guys took care of the situation, and we were just there to observe. It was just a good nite out, having fun and we all went back home safely.. but the highlight was definitely the stunning apartments... ;) . Way to go, way to go~


~At the dining table~

~Eddie, Raj, Taufik n Me~

Losing My Passion....

I looked back into the past. I see myself living my dream and passion...And now I looked at friends who persisted from day one together with me. They're halfway to their dream. They've got their passion in place and their living it; living with Music.

This passion in us is something where money can't replace and a relationship that just couldn't rob away from, let alone other things in life. It is just that satisfaction that we've fulfilled in our lives with no regrets. Oh, how I hope people would understand what we're going through. It's not money that matters. It doesn't matter if we don't earn as much as others. It's just the journey and the achievement that was less enjoyed and experienced by most people. It's just something we enjoy doing for life, when others may not understand or feel the same way we do. Others may feel comfortable in a secured, mundane, monotonous and common life, but that's not for us.

I'm not a person who can be satisfied with that kind of life. I have an adventurous self that couldn't be fulfilled easily. I am someone that looks for new challenges everytime to constantly maintain the enthusiasm. I am not a person who could ever sit still. I am impatient.

As if losing a relationship is not enough- I'm now losing my passion. I'm losing a part of my life. My life becomes somewhat meaningless without the passion. I slowly become a nobody. I am slowly diluting into the life of a common. I'm losing that thing that portrays my uniqueness and to stand out from the others.

I always wanted to be different from the common; to be uniquely unique. Oh, when will I be able to do it again? Time is slowly catching up, and I do not have much time anymore. I am now making it a sideline. It will never be forgotten in my life. It will never be taken away by anything or anybody. It shall be with me forever and ever, even if the world fails on me.

Dear Lord, please reveal Your purpose in me. I believe You've given me this talentand gift for a purpose. Use it for Your glory. May I be a servant unto You, O' Lord. Please do not leave me. I will only follow You and You alone till the end of my life. I am waiting upon You Lord. It is time I do something for You, my life's Author, my Friend, my Saviour, my Lord, my dear Jesus Christ.

Let all praise be unto You, and my life be dedicated to You, Dear Lord. Amen.

Time to get Busy, Time to Hang Out Too!

Busy Busy Busy!

I've been darn busy the past few months...gawsshh. Somehow I felt I'm going back to school again..I've passed my 1st month in Cabin crew Foundation School! Oh but believe me, I'm looking very forward to every day at work, why? Well, that's obviuos, coz i'm going for my passion ;) .

So folks, do what ya gotta do and what you want to do. Don't let the world pull you down and be discouraged. Your happiness is in your own Hands!

2 weeks ago was our 1st nite out with our batch buds..Boy that was when things started to get haywire.. Well...we do this once in a very long time, so it's worth a go.

That's Edward (we call him Eddie) taking a shot on the Flaming Lambor.. See that few rounds over there? It was for us from Eddie. Only those around knew (or do not!) what happened after that, LOL..something new, but interesting. Eddie, we know you've got a Lamborghini, yeah, we were more than thrilled to get a flamed "one" each.. Eddie's the man!

And this was taken after that shot. Surprisingly we're still very sane and normal ey? Well, I didn't know we're that good till that day. We should do it again (oh, didn't I mention the 2 bottles of Chivas n a Smirnoff before this?) . Hou Yeh.

Oh but after that nite I had a hard time catching up with sleep n rest. Just can't seem to have a good nite sleep for about a week.. =S

Ooopss..did I speak too soon? Oh well, they didn't catch me on pic in this state coz I didn't give them the chance to. Duh~ =.=

Well, again, I like the very fact that not all of us are so closed and not willing to open up to this new bunch of buds. At least they're willing to come out n hang out together. At least there's still some sportiness seen. I'm also on my way to opening up, but I know my limits of course and never to go over the borders..so get going guys!

Batch 980 had a lil' feeling of being released out of custody after 2 days of Exam for our foundation..We then decided we needed to do something to get out of that stress~ (afterall, it was our 1st Exams after such a long time since getting out of school, you know we always never liked exams....) Makan- makan session at Simpang Bedok. The food was ok-ok la, but it's good time hanging out together for the whole batch for the 1st time (ever since we started our foundation...=.=)

Look, this hearthrobs in our class can never stop posing for our cameramen n women..cute aren't they? haha.

And not to forget our pretty girls la of course! Hmm...very photogenic la this girls, not bad....And last but not least, the other side of the table, i wonder where the others go, how come I see only the 2 of'em?

What the??? These guys obviously didn't mind the public attraction~ They were enjoying their public affair with 20 pairs of eyes watching! If I've not mistaken, they were caught LIVE on tape. I think it'll be on Youtube soon. Would you dare to do this in public? You can be the man then!

So you see, it ain't at all that bad being alone here. Time to work, time to play. And I must say SG's treating me better n better at the time being. Hope it gets better as time goes by =).

~Chillz and Out~

The New Life I've Begun

Phew...what a long 2 weeks!

Imagine, you're in a foreign place trying to cope up and get use to the life here, and the company's rushing us thru so many documents processing, visa application, uniform fitting and ended up running here and there..

Nonetheless..

I did manage to get to hang out with our batch buds and manage to try some new stuff in SG.. The one on the right are some of my fellow batchmates..Batch 980.

Believe me, these guys are so not what you think they are..I guess I can just call them pure fun, and they brought life to the class. Well, one thing's for sure, they'll be the closest I can get in the company, especially when started goin on duty. We'll be missing everyone for sure...

This is my 4th week in SG now. So far, work's fun with those crazy guys around..and I started to realise that the culture in SG is so much different than that back at my home country. People here are more disciplined, despite the stricter rules and regulations by the government. Imagine, the country's got no news to write till they have to borrow that of their neighbouring country to write about!

This is first moments of independency, and I believe I'm coping quite well. What do you expect? I'm 23 now. Not that 3 year old kid dad used to hold in his arms anymore..a grown up lady holding her future in her very own hands. I must be strong!!!

My first step into independency; to learn how to cook! This is the first soup me n Ana boiled in our new home..it tasted quite nice for starters like us..I think we deserve a pat on the back ^^.

This is just the 1st step..we've got a long way to go in the years to come..

Way to go gal, keep it up..n THank God for being so loving and caring to me all this while. He is gooD!

The Ending n The Beginning

The end of something of the past, and a beginning of a whole new future altogether.

Oh believe me, the first few days being alone here with no close relatives here is definitely a tough time to go through. What more when the person who thought you can rely on, and had always been the closest had suddenly become a stranger to you, where his heart has grown cold, n never could grow warm again no matter what happens...

That is the worst situation a girl can ever experience. And this is where it ends. It's all about the crying, all about the sadness, and all about the hurt. Now, it's the end. The end of this tragedy altogether.

That's not the end of everything though. It's a beginning of something I call the future. This is the moment where I must take the first step by putting the past behind. I'm gonna be chasing the future and not looking back anymore.

This is the End of the past, and the Beginning of the future.......

My 1st week in SG~

Finally I get to get my hands on my blog! It's been 1 whole week + 2 days of tiredness n Internet-less days in this new foreign place...



Mon, 16th July, 10.25am was my flight, SQ 191 to SG.



Some of my faithful, loving n caring buddies went all the way to the airport to send me away. They knew, it wasn't a normal holiday trip for me, but a trip where I'm heading towards a new beginning of a new job n a new life. All of them; Simon, Camilia and Liang, woke up pretty early in the morning, careless about their normal wake up time for work and went all the way to the airport. Simon was the one that fetched me at that wee hours of the morning. We all know him; he's a nightbird, and that's the time where he would normally go to sleep. He's surely the man! I thank God for them and I really appreciate their friendship, love and care for me.



Oh well, we had our breakfast at the airport sharing the last time together before I flew off. "Well, this is it", I thought and so i stepped on board. I made a few calls to Mom, Dad, Grandma n Aunt Shann before the take-off. I expressed to Aunt Shann that I'm not confident enough to live alone and I'm not a person with a good attitude and behaviour, as I had a bad blow from Aunt Maggie the nite before for my mistakes and bad attitudes which I never realised. But then, she told me that I was not a failure, but a potential person who hasn't enough confidence. She told me that she has faith in me and will never give up on me although the others do. I was very touched, and I couldn't hold it any longer but to let my tears rolled down my cheeks. As it is, this was it. I took my 1st step on board as the 1st step to start everything anew; to change my bad attitudes and characters, to be a better person for God and learn to love others like Jesus does.

It was my first time at Changi Airport, and I never could've imagined it would be a long walk to the Arrival dept. I met one of my batchmates upon arrival and we're located at the hotel for a week before training. That began our hectic week. We're running here n there almost everyday to settle our EPs, bank a/c, phone line and looking for houses. Surely enough, I saw God's hands upon me n Anastasia. I got my room on the 2nd day in SG at a very fair n reasonable price, much lower than the market rates. It was certainly that our prayers were answered. Much better, the owner n our housemates are all Christians. God is good.



Although hectic, we managed to steal some time to walk around the city and did a little shopping ( Gee, that was fun as it was the Great SG sale season!) . We also managed to have a lil' treat ourselves (when waiting for our EP to be processed) in a small restaurant called "记得吃". They have lotsa very special HK 糖水/ chinese dessert and it was a guarantee-ing satisfaction. Nice and special. I bet Mom, Grandma n Aunt Shann will love it alot ;). Here are some sneak peeks at the pics and you bet I'm gonna bring them there one day!



Oh well, n so it goes. God's definitely here with me, and I thank God each n everyday for His goodness. May He continue to be with us, and may we shine for Him in everything we do. This is the starting, and a renewal of my faith n love to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

It's my 2nd day in training now, I'll update more on the next entry. Stay tuned!

I'm Feeling Lonely Already..

I wonder what's wrong with me...I'm feeling lonely already right now. The fact that I've to leave all my friends and close ones makes me feel so alone like a stranger in a new place. Now I really understand how it feels to leave my home and going to a new place.

Simon's told me about how he feels for his girlfriend and how he misses her a lot. And I'm really glad for him that he has so much love for her and their relationship is great. Although there're things that are not so right from Simon, I still wish him the best with his 'Chellam' for years to come =). Camilia is doing with good with Herman. They are always forgiving each other and Herman's always so loving to her no matter what happens. This are such great examples that one must learn from them. I pray earnestly that God will take care of them.

I'm concerned of alot of things actually. I'm concerned about the people that I'm about to meet and whether I'm matured enough to handle tough situations and overcoming loneliness. I know it's gonna be tough. I'm concerned whether I'll be protected and whether there is anyone there for me in times of difficulty.

I know God will be there for me. I know He will protect me and bring great people to help me. I know I need to place my trust in God. I know it very well. But I've to admit, sometimes it's easier said than done. I always have my weaker side. I'm gonna really sit down n pray tonight to talk to my Father in Heaven.

There used to be someone there for me. But I've to learn how to be independent now. It's gonna be just me and God...I know I shouldn't be thinking back, and trying to be dependent on someone else, but I thought that's what a girl really really wants in life; to find a life partner where she can place her trust n love into. And right now, I've to start a new journey all over again. Guess I'm just not that strong enough..

Dear Father, please comfort me with Your presence. I'm really feeling very awkward right now as I pour my feelings out. It's just a feeling of loneliness, and no more than that I hope. I'm not as strong as people think. I'm not as matured as I thought I am. I need a lot of support. Please give me wisdom and mould me into a better and wiser person for You. I feel very empty inside at times. Only You can fill me up Lord. I wanna deal with myself before I could deal with people. It seems like I'm a problematic child, but I know I'll always have a better side in Your eyes. Please fill me with Your love, and do not leave me. I need You, dear Father.

Counting Down to the Days...

It's 2 days and counting...Boy I can't wait! haha.

Gee, suddenly time seemed so precious. I couldn't get enough of staying back here. I know I'm gonna miss my buddies and the place where I spent my study n youth years altogether. I'm gonna miss the time singing together with my best buds. This place was where I grew in my passion in music. It was where I established my status in singing.

It was music that brought me love, and music that took my love away. It was music that showed what I really wanted in life. It was music that brought me into a different path of life. It was God's blessings to me. But I know somehow, God's telling me that it's not the time yet for me pursue music at this moment. I must learn how to have faith and follow His will.

I went to sign my bond and collect the air ticket for the Monday flight with Mom and Camilia. Mom and Dad's really going all out for me this time. Well, this is how it goes. We leave to secure a better future and our parents will always be loving, caring and worrying about us. Don't worry Mom and Dad, I won't dissapoint you.

I had a few last hang outs with my buds over the week talking and crapping just about everything. Friends are really important in life. Although they come and go, God's put them there for us in that point of time for a reason and purpose. And that's we must appreciate them for all the efforts they've done for us. I pray that God will bless my buds with a good life and future and continue to make good music. May their dreams be fulfilled.

I'm gonna be leaving soon, and I won't be able to catch up with you guys soon. Do take care, may you be blessed for your future undertakings. So long guys. Will see ya when I come back =).

~HUGS to you all~

I'm Gonna Miss Home ;~(

Yeah I know, I've always been looking forward to this..I've always wanted to start a new life and future..But deep down right now, I'm feeling a lil' sad....

I know I'm gonna be missing home again, that's for sure. Mom n Dad's come to a good'ol age, and I'm leaving them once again. I can see them going all out for all of us; their children and their love towards us. I can't barely see them not having a good life at an old age later on. But I know that Dad wants me their children to be with him..

Wait, Mom n Dad. Wait for me. Until I get myself settled down I'll try my best to help out the family. And when I've settled down in somewhere safe and nice, I'll bring you to come stay with me and have a good life. I've got dreams, dreams to have a better life and a dream to see my parents happy, that I did not dissapoint them and their investment in me is all worth while.

Dear Father in Heaven, please take care of my parents, and bless them with long life and good health so that they'll live long enough to spend their precious time together and with their children, and also with their grandchildren. We're all older now, not the kids anymore who used to ride our scooters in our good'ol house compound. It's time for us to fulfill our responsibilities as their children n God's children. Please guard our hearts, that we may not fall into temptation, but ultimately be secured in the hands of our Lord Jesus Christ n we will shine for You n fulfill Your purpose in us for Your Glory.