只怪我不会珍惜。。。。

If only I could turn back time.
Musicians are just a league of their own.

Glad to Know...

Glad to know that he has started a new chapter of life.

Glad to know he's starting it with someone he knows he can spend his life with.

Glad to know that I am free from the bondage of the past.

Glad to know that we are facing life happily in our own ways.

Be blessed, n God will be your witness through thick and thin.
Love is meant to be forever, with God being 1st within.

Life is a Never Ending Journey of Learning..

Sometimes things comes on you hard. It doesn't mean when you're 25 you've known it all. Not even when you're 45 or 65. You learn new things everyday. You will be surprise of the things that you have not known of throughout your life.

You can never act that you know it all, or know everything. It doesn't mean that if you're good in one thing, you are good in another. Yes, your skills are to be appreciated, but you should accept the fact that they are other skills that you must learn to buck up on.

You can never show attitude when you're not an expert in that area. Always learn to have an open heart to accept criticsms, because that's the thing that makes you improve. Appreciate the fact that the others took time to criticize, because then you know where your weaknesses are, and learn to be better. Otherwise, imagine being stuck with the same old weaknesses for the rest of your life; NEVER be ignorant. People who give you sh*t are the ones that make you aware and be afraid of that weaknesses that you will vow perfect it in anyway you can.

Yes, sometimes criticisms are hard on the ear. It strikes your self-esteem, and you felt belittled. You feel that you've lost that confidence. Now that's the time you know you should make a difference. Take it seriously, bite the bullet and just do it. And do it, and do it, and do it, until you get it. Until you know you've done your best, and you're satisfied. Then you know you've succeeded.

It doesn't have to be a major thing in your life. It may be a small little habit. Or a passion that you held on so dearly to. For when it comes to the time when you are up there, you will look back, smile at it and give yourself a pat on the shoulders for a job well done.

Just gotta keep Holding on........

Having a Big @$$ Mouth, Bull$h*tting only Get you this Far

I was getting ready for a flight this morning, checking in only to find out that my recency for the fleet has expired as of today. Therefore, I called the Control Center to inquire about the matter.

Reason why this wasn't checked earlier? Webpage was down and I was overseas, I couldn't check on anything.

Me: Hi, I'm supposed to be going for a flight today, however I realised that my recency has expired as of today. So can I still do the flight?
CC: Let me check it out with my duty officer and give you a call back.
(....to which she didn't revert back to me, and I had to call her back instead)
Me: So how is it?
CC: Yes, you can still do the flight, according to my duty officer.
Me: Ok, since you said so. Sure, thanks.

(after thinking twice, I decided to call them back and get an assurance)

Me: Hi, can you give me the duty officer's name for the case of the matter?

(reason why I did so because the same thing had occured to other people, and she got paxed back due to expiry of recency. Result? demerit points. Knowing of the consequences in case I was to be blamed for operating with an expired recency, I can still justify the matter with the duty officer.)

CC: Oh, errmm, please hold on.
(a moment of silence, then someone picked up and spoke)
Duty Officer: You are so n so rite?
Me: Yes I am.
Duty Officer: I heard that you wanted the duty officer's name rite?
Me: Yes....
Duty Officer: WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM??
Me: Well I just wanted to know who gave me the permission to go just in case the company calls me up and I can answer to them.

Duty Officer: IF I SAY YOU CAN MEANS YOU CAN GO. The company has appointed us to handle this matter and they will not call you. Are you DOUBTING the control centre??

Me: No of course not. Since you give me the green light then I am assured. Thanks.

Shortly after, I boarded the taxi and was on my way to work when my cellphone rang.

CC: Hi, after much consideration, you are actualy not able to do this flight. I will take you off the flight and call someone up.
Me: Huh?? But I thought you said Ok??
CC: No, but now you can't do so. I will call you later. Let me call up the girl first.

She explained to me on that matter later, and I totally appreciate her effort to settle this problem. Which on the contrary, I think that Big @$$ mouth duty officer was being over confident, being just an EMPTY VESSEL!

Result? I was having a merry-go-round with the taxi uncle. Wasting his time n MY money.

Turned out at the end they didn't check the information properly and the personnel thanked me for informing them. Except for that Big @$$ Mouth duty officer!

Question 1: Why did the planning department approve my COF knowing that my recency is almost expiring? (I in fact do know that it's my duty to make sure of my recency, that's why I've called them earlier and told them about the case, which they assured me that I can still operate, as of GMT calculation wise. )

Question 2: If I were to go for the flight, trusting on the assurance of the Big @$$ mouth duty officer, which later they realised their mistake and paxed me back n I get the penalty of demerits, am I going to have to take all the blame??
Question 3: If I did not get the name of the duty officer, who am I suppose to point the case to?

So fellow colleagues, please be more careful with all this matter. Sometimes, you can't just trust these Big @$$ mouth people with their assurance. Most of the time they are just trying to save their @$$es. This is a dog eat dog world. If sh*t happens, they are just gonna find a scapegoat and if you're not careful of it, you will be the unlucky Victim!

LESSON: Don't be overconfident. Knowing which in the end if you made a mistake, you will be slapping your Big @$$ mouth in front of your colleagues! And please learn to respect other people and your subordinates, we're all working under the same roof!

p/s: Oh btw, sorry dude, your good colleague accidentally spilled your name out. Please do not think that you can get away with it if anything happens, VELLU!

还想这么多干吗？ 迟早都会发生的。。怎样都应该去面对。。

How Was 2009 for me?

Gee, I've just celebrated my 24th birthday last month, n it's January '10 already??
Well, technically, i'm still a year younger, n happier, la la la la =)

Ok, let's take a look back to what happened to me in 2009...........

I started the year with a great desire to forget about the painful past, but..hmm, it took me about half a year before I finally did it! Notice how long I've not been updating my blog? That's when all the sh*t ended. Wonder how I did it? Well, I guess it was just timing.

And so, I started living life as it is. Not really very righteous, but I kinda indulge myself into the enjoyment of the world. The kind where flying people love to do; drinking. I must say I'd led myself partly into the temptations, and I enjoyed it. At least it was to "celebrate" my release from the chain of brokenness and pain from the past, temporarily.

All I had was just ONE passion in mind; music. I got affiliated with the Performing Arts Circle, n we had a couple of unforgettable performances together for the company, not to mention the after-parties after each show. I'd just loved it. Those were the things that I really enjoyed most of the time when I'm not back home to my family. You can't fault me for it. I was lonely. Very lonely. I had a taste of the sweet grapes from the poison vineyard. I never thought it would taste soo sweet after the bitterness.

I was dissapointed with everything. Dissapointed with the way God was neglecting me. I went to church with a heart as cold as ice. I didn't feel Him at all. Instead of His word, I turned myself to the TV, music and everything else to look for happiness, n to cope up with loneliness. I did not believe He or His people could get me out of this. I was very ignorant. Well I still hung out with them, for some reasons. But many at times, i ignored them with all the wrong attitude. I was just too plain lazy to entertain them, and rather find my own source of happiness.

As you would've read so far, these could basically sum up about what i've gone through throughout the year before.

As I was living my own life, I see so the people around me moved on, progressed and living life the way God intended them to. They served faithfully; they were obedient servants n children of God, and indeed God loves n honours His faithful servant. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all things shall be Added unto you". It took me quite a while to finally understood what it means.

I've been idolising my passion. I've been idolising my life. Everything was just about me. I find it so hard to do what is right; to understand, concern about others and to love them. I find it so hard to sacrifice my time for God. Not even to come early to church. Sometimes I didn't even wanna make my way to CG or AF, anything to do with God. But He never gave up on me. He kept sending His children to come to me, to keep me close to Him, so that I could still be in control and not to fall off to the other side of the fence n hurt myself. Oh how patient He was with me...I'm guilty of all the wrong things I've done to hurt Him.

So this is it. That was 2009. That was the past. Good or not, is does not exist anymore. It is over. It is now a new year, and I decided that everything should start anew again. Thank God for new years..

Well, i guess it's just timing again. This time it's God's timing. Suddenly, I made a new year resolution out of nowhere, and for the first time, I stated them down n made it very visible on my desk on top of the new monitor speaker. I prayed for a willingness of heart to follow n serve Him faithfully n obediently, starting from this new year. Whether or not I will be blessed, I know this is the right thing to do. I know what it means to put God first now. I do not idolize n take pride anymore in my passion and what I'm good at. I will serve willingly in whatever n wherever He puts me in. No matter how challenging times could be towards the end of this year, n years to come, I can overcome them, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Amen =)

~God Be My Witness~

Turning The Page to A New Chapter of Life

Sometimes I look back n wonder how blinded I was n how much sh*t I've gone thru to finally understand, realise n wake up..hah, that's something to laugh at.

Thinking back, it ain't too bad afterall..at least I had a chance to grow up n be more mature from being a girl to a lady. Like the saying goes, "what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger".

Enough of those lies I made myself to believe in. It's time to leave them all in the past n move on. They told me a person has to experience the worst to be healed from it. I finally agreed on that after much unecessary struggle. It's part n parcel of life. God wouldn't give you a challenge that you couldn't overcome. It's just a matter of time. Afterall, God should be the first in our lives. "Seek ye First the Kingdom of God, and all things shall be Added unto you". Yup, am slowly but surely learning on that. Afterall, He's the one who first Loved us.

Turn the page, but don't close the book. It would only mean that you've given up hope in life.

The only thing that I totally believe all the time, is a God that loves me more than anyone else in this world, a God that loves me so much to count the number of strands of hair on my head, n He only wants the best for me.

God is Good =)

The Truth Hurts, but does that Means that You're Not Gonna Face It?

The truth is always there. It is always right at your face, but you just chose to brush aside, unwilling to face the fact. You just choose to lie to yourself, still clinging on to that slightest hope, the faintest light which you can barely see.

It's all gonna be good. Things will be recovered like it was before. But then when things didn't go my way, I get very depressed and dissapointed. At the end, I realised, that it was just me wanting n forcing things to be the way I wanted. I was being very self-centred.

Now that I realised the truth, it is quite pointless for me to keep holding on to that self induced hope. The truth hurts. That's all I can feel for now. But does that mean that I don't have to face it? Best is it cuts through me deeper than ever before. Best that it hurts so much until it will one day makes me feel that it's not worth to be drowned in that stupidity. It's not like it could change anything, but to only kill me inside out.

And the only person who feels the pain? Me.

The truth is, it's not happening anymore. It's not gonna happen again. Just stop being engulfed by the self induced fake hope anymore.

Afterall, everyone is just being human. Not that a person is not as good as the other. We're all just different from each other, beyond comparison. It is just each and everyone's preference to what or who in their strife for happiness..

I hope I can get out of this soon. I hope one day I would wake up n tell myself that it is all meaningless and remind myself of my stupidity and never to let it repeat it again.

I hope I could one day look back, and smile on the past telling myself this; Lesson learned, and I've moved on, being a happier person than ever before, and thank God for His unfailing Love.

Imperfection

Have we ever wondered?

We often put the blame on someone, somebody or something when bad things happen to our lives. We give ourselves excuses when things doesn't go our way. We try to make the world sound imperfect n the people that's involved to be.

"It all happens and it's all their fault. What wrong have I done? What did I do to deserve all of this?"

Sounds familiar? Yeah, it happens to me too. Many times. Uncountable times. But have we ever sat back and pondered about the mistakes n the imperfection in ourselves that allows all of this to happen?

Man I feel so small when I was told off about my weaknesses. All this while I thought whatever I did was right, coz no one would tell me. Of coz, they were afraid of offending me. Likewise, I wouldn't wanna risk ruining a friendship by telling off somethings I thought they would not wish to hear. But sometimes, some good soul around would just reveal them to you, and it's like a good smack on your face that serves as a WAKE UP CALL.

It tells you that you have a part to play in the mess that occured. It's not all just got to do with the other party. Yes, they may be screwed up, but you're not perfect either. Giving yourself excuses shows that you're avoiding the fact and a perfect chance to grow n improve from it.

Of course, no one can be scarless. But at least, try to change from those bad habits or attitudes that could improve your self-being n your relationship towards the people around you. Don't be in denial. Sometimes, when people around you started to react very differently towards you, try to sit back, think n make a change for the best of yourself n the others.

God didn't make us perfect, so that we could complement each other; whether in a family, with your other half or the friends around you. Sit back, think n ask God for forgiveness. Ask Him to change you as you surrender your soul to Him. He will never let us down.

God's love never fails.

I Remember

I remember the 1st day where you brought me to Sigi's..You knew my favourite song, n you have it on in your car when you arrived at my place; "Home". You gave me a bouquet of flowers n you brought us to dinner. It was the sweetest day of my life.

I thanked the Lord so much for taking away the broken past and let the best thing that could've ever happened to me. It was the best time of my life. I graduated not too long ago before this happened. 2 weeks later, you encouraged me to go and try out on a job interview in Dell. It all went well, and I worked there for a year. Honestly, I wasn't happy about the job because it paid peanuts. 9-5 is definitely not my thing.

But over the year, I knew you were very pleased of what I was doing; leading a normal life, doing the normal thing everyone does. Our time didn't clash; just in time to meet each other for dinner n spend some time together. But then, you knew I was performing all these while. You asked me to cut down on the nights, so we can have more time for each other.
It was hard for me, coz I was partially depending on it for a living. Yet I tried my best to make days available for us by reducing down on the days. I knew it was a sacrifice I had to make. I neglected my responsibility and was stuck in between. I dislike my job, and I'm not doing very well with the other.

Honestly, I was still very confused. As a young lady that just came out from school, I didn't know what to pursue. But I was sure I was filled with my passion, and that was the time to do it. You didn't like it. I struggled between life and passion. We had arguments, after arguments, after arguments.

Finally, you decided to shut yourself away from all the trouble and noise. You weren't happy. Oh, how hard I tried to mend those back, but it wasn't enough. There were sleepness nights and countless days of worries. You start not to take me into consideration on your decision making anymore. To you, I will not be one of your priority anymore. You didn't give us more time to reconcile. You couldn't wait anymore. Your heart just grew cold over the days to come.

I shouldn't have left you alone during your lowest times. You just got used to living without me. When I came back, it was different for you already. How my heart ached for the things that were happening. I tried every best way to mend it, but you told me it was too late. My tears would roll down everytime I thought of it. You just made a decision to work in a foreign place.

I vowed in front of you, never to go back to my passion, and take up an ordinary job for our sake. It is still not what you wanted. Your heart was broken, and it's not worth turning back anymore. You do not feel for me anymore. Not like the time when we used to cry and laugh together.
I couldn't blame you for any more or less. We both had a part to play, and I neglected mine. I always missed those times. I missed that person whom God's given to me but I didn't do my best to treasure him.

Dear Lord, strengthen my personal being, for I know you have plans for me. My heart aches everytime I think about it. My soul weakens everytime I knew that he's no more less than a friend that doesn't even bother of my existence anymore. How I wish You would mend it all back together, and give me a new beginning. Forgive me for my ignorance and stubborness. I am now just gonna be waiting upon You and follow You altogether. I've lost a person who had once made my life complete. I don't want that to happen again.